You can never under or overestimate the value of a friendship that you hold with someone. In the last 5 years, I have been surprised once again with respect to those people who have stayed in my life, and sadly those who are no longer a regular influence.
Friendships I have lost, some willingly, others against my will and a third group whereby a friendship simply came to a "natural" end. In all cases, I am grateful for the effects such interactions have had on my life, and the lessons learned.
What is difficult to accept however, is the end of a friendship you assumed never would. It is almost as if the friendship went from day to night in an instant, where once there was a long standing, close and supportive partnership and now in its place a relationship where both parties are more like strangers to one another.You can question the why's and the how's to death but the fact remains, life's circumstance has changed, we must accept, get the lesson and move on.
I am blessed to have some wonderful friends in my life, those people who are there no matter what the circumstance, no matter what mood they find me in. These friends, in the past I maybe never truly appreciated their worth, but I do now. It makes one realise that when you have a strong friendship with someone, while it takes work to reach a level where you trust, appreciate and value each other, from then on it should be easy to be in each others company......no conditions or pressure to the friendship should be enforced,no imbalance or opportunistic methods should be enacted by one on the other. Such relations need to be nurtured and valued by both parties for there are not many people in life that you can truly depend upon, not many people with whom you can totally be yourself without conviction.
AbFab
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Sunday, 26 May 2013
Spring to Summer
Did you ever wonder how and why you make a decision? Did you ever wonder who and/or what you make a decision for? The last while has been somewhat of an eye opener in ways. At times disappointing, brutal, foreboding but at all times a mental and positive relief of shackles which once were hidden to my heart and soul. Now I am not saying that I will not be fooled again......in one sense I would welcome it as it will help me to continue to learn and become stronger.
So what on earth am I talking about I hear you say.......get to the bloody point!!! I know.....I do have a tendency to waffle somewhat. Well the point is that I never truly appreciated how much I had made a decision, lived my life in a certain way at times which was totally against my own ideals and in the long run did and/or could have negatively affected my happiness. I am not saying on the other hand that one should always life for ones own wishes.....that would be purely selfish, self absorbed, self righteous and WRONG. However, we should recognise when it comes to making those fundamental decisions about what we do and we do not want, what would and would not affect our happiness. Life is not worth living if living in the shadow of someone else/a malformed ideology or on a path which is not our own.
It all boils down to listening to our own inner voice. The older I get, the more I realise that we all have an inner instinct, a sixth sense as it were, which tries to guide us in the right direction and which also tries to inform us how best to live our own life and how best to interact positively with those around us, our loved ones and those closest to us. It is about a respect for self and others, the environment that we live in. That we all have our part to play and we should play the hand of cards dealt to us wisely, intelligently and with respect.
Maybe it is the advance of age........crossing a threshold from Spring to Summer.....where nature has now shown all its blossoming beauty and worth....the potential of what was, is, will be and never will be again. For me it is a different stage of adulthood where the rose tainted glasses are off and life's truths become that much more apparent and evident. That to best live your life you must be careful to make honest and truthful choices and decisions. Life will continue on come what may....learn from the past.....live the present well.....and look forward to the future that your present will form.
So what on earth am I talking about I hear you say.......get to the bloody point!!! I know.....I do have a tendency to waffle somewhat. Well the point is that I never truly appreciated how much I had made a decision, lived my life in a certain way at times which was totally against my own ideals and in the long run did and/or could have negatively affected my happiness. I am not saying on the other hand that one should always life for ones own wishes.....that would be purely selfish, self absorbed, self righteous and WRONG. However, we should recognise when it comes to making those fundamental decisions about what we do and we do not want, what would and would not affect our happiness. Life is not worth living if living in the shadow of someone else/a malformed ideology or on a path which is not our own.
It all boils down to listening to our own inner voice. The older I get, the more I realise that we all have an inner instinct, a sixth sense as it were, which tries to guide us in the right direction and which also tries to inform us how best to live our own life and how best to interact positively with those around us, our loved ones and those closest to us. It is about a respect for self and others, the environment that we live in. That we all have our part to play and we should play the hand of cards dealt to us wisely, intelligently and with respect.
Maybe it is the advance of age........crossing a threshold from Spring to Summer.....where nature has now shown all its blossoming beauty and worth....the potential of what was, is, will be and never will be again. For me it is a different stage of adulthood where the rose tainted glasses are off and life's truths become that much more apparent and evident. That to best live your life you must be careful to make honest and truthful choices and decisions. Life will continue on come what may....learn from the past.....live the present well.....and look forward to the future that your present will form.
Tuesday, 7 May 2013
The plus side of being unemployed.....for a while.
So fantastic news......I have a job yet again....a new contract for 7 months with the possibility of extension. When that happens.....I will believe it :-).
Now that I am on the verge of being a working person once more.....I am reflecting over the last several months, the ups and the downs and the lessons learned. Some might say how lucky I was......to have had so much time off.....and such people have no concept of what being unemployed can do to one`s psyche.....if you are not careful. It would have been so easy to have an unstructured day, every day. Days where you see nothing but the four walls of your home, days where you go out to a bar and feel guilty as you have not "earned" the right in your mind, of being allowed to go out, spend and enjoy. It is so easy to fall into a trap of being a "non person" whereby you could feel that you are not contributing to the world around you and therefore have lost your place within it.
The above is so easy a trap, were it not for good friends, family and maintaining confidence in oneself that with time, all things change....even the difficult times. My period of reawakening in a way has been one where the lessons of living more simply have been reiterated. The joy that can be taken from a simple moment with a friend, a walk in the park and/or the kind gesture of a stranger. To take a step out of the business world from which I came, and then to look back onto it.....its chaotic and frentic values, where loyalty, honesty and stability can be of short measure......it can make one reassess how to better and more successfully interact within such an environment....upon the upcoming return. To take a simple lesson.....to do your work well.....treat those like you want to be treated, build bridges not walls and to trust none but the few....these will be the simple lessons that I will try to live by with greater conviction once I return to the business world.
There is too much back stabbing, dishonesty, lies and people with masks in our working and social environment. Those who portray one image, only to deny themselves their own truth. Hidden agenda's and holes into negative spiral behavioural patterns.....traps that can lead your life of course, away from the happiness that everyone deserves. To remember the simple lessons in life.....to trust your instincts.....to maintain relations with those that are true and loyal to you, as you are to them......to love and be loved....to believe in your own ability and not let anyone take away your confidence so as to feed their own insecurities. Being unemployed was not such a waste after all. This period, with each passing month....peeled the unnecessary layers of the onion, to reveal the true core of what matters.....and to discard those life masks which instead of protecting only prevent from what is being true to be known.
Here's to the next chapter.........
Now that I am on the verge of being a working person once more.....I am reflecting over the last several months, the ups and the downs and the lessons learned. Some might say how lucky I was......to have had so much time off.....and such people have no concept of what being unemployed can do to one`s psyche.....if you are not careful. It would have been so easy to have an unstructured day, every day. Days where you see nothing but the four walls of your home, days where you go out to a bar and feel guilty as you have not "earned" the right in your mind, of being allowed to go out, spend and enjoy. It is so easy to fall into a trap of being a "non person" whereby you could feel that you are not contributing to the world around you and therefore have lost your place within it.
The above is so easy a trap, were it not for good friends, family and maintaining confidence in oneself that with time, all things change....even the difficult times. My period of reawakening in a way has been one where the lessons of living more simply have been reiterated. The joy that can be taken from a simple moment with a friend, a walk in the park and/or the kind gesture of a stranger. To take a step out of the business world from which I came, and then to look back onto it.....its chaotic and frentic values, where loyalty, honesty and stability can be of short measure......it can make one reassess how to better and more successfully interact within such an environment....upon the upcoming return. To take a simple lesson.....to do your work well.....treat those like you want to be treated, build bridges not walls and to trust none but the few....these will be the simple lessons that I will try to live by with greater conviction once I return to the business world.
There is too much back stabbing, dishonesty, lies and people with masks in our working and social environment. Those who portray one image, only to deny themselves their own truth. Hidden agenda's and holes into negative spiral behavioural patterns.....traps that can lead your life of course, away from the happiness that everyone deserves. To remember the simple lessons in life.....to trust your instincts.....to maintain relations with those that are true and loyal to you, as you are to them......to love and be loved....to believe in your own ability and not let anyone take away your confidence so as to feed their own insecurities. Being unemployed was not such a waste after all. This period, with each passing month....peeled the unnecessary layers of the onion, to reveal the true core of what matters.....and to discard those life masks which instead of protecting only prevent from what is being true to be known.
Here's to the next chapter.........
Friday, 12 April 2013
Jump off the cliff......or not?
I am sure we have all heard the phrase regarding how sometimes you need to jump off the cliff.....jump into the unknown so as to take a risk/leap of faith etc so as to change your life, with the hope that that change would be for the better. However, what if NOT jumping is the more risky option?
Just a week ago, I was faced with a life changing decision. One option would be new job, "new" country. The other option no job, same country. Which to take? A new job and "new" country in a sense to me was to jump from the cliff, the other to not jump. In a very strange way, not jumping proved to be of greater risk.
To jump would have been into the unknown.....not knowing if the job, company and country was the right option for my happiness and well being. Such a decision I have made previously in my life....and it was the right decision. So why not this time? Because this time, for various reasons, the feeling was that I would not be jumping into such a decision....rather.....a force was trying to push me over the cliff.....i.e. a decision against my instinct and gut feeling.
Some might say that this push feeling is more a fear, afraid to jump. In this case, you would not be right. In fact, the fear feeling I had was in fact to not jump and therefore remain unemployed......not knowing when I will get a job or what kind a job I would find. Fear also of staying in a country which would force me to change my life in ways that may or may not lead to greater happiness. Staying on this path in fact posed a greater risk, it brings about a greater leap of faith as rather than jumping and "falling" into a new life, I must now walk a path unknown and face whatever challenges it brings. To walk away from the cliff edge this time, is to acknowledge that this path has not yet come to an end, that this path I continue on come what may.....until I am sure that it has come to its natural end.
It goes to show that in life, we all have an inner indicator, a gut feeling as it were, which we must learn to listen to.....so that we can know when it is our gut feeling that is speaking to us, and not fear. To learn to trust oneself, to trust in our own truth and have faith in our decisions and convictions.
Just a week ago, I was faced with a life changing decision. One option would be new job, "new" country. The other option no job, same country. Which to take? A new job and "new" country in a sense to me was to jump from the cliff, the other to not jump. In a very strange way, not jumping proved to be of greater risk.
To jump would have been into the unknown.....not knowing if the job, company and country was the right option for my happiness and well being. Such a decision I have made previously in my life....and it was the right decision. So why not this time? Because this time, for various reasons, the feeling was that I would not be jumping into such a decision....rather.....a force was trying to push me over the cliff.....i.e. a decision against my instinct and gut feeling.
Some might say that this push feeling is more a fear, afraid to jump. In this case, you would not be right. In fact, the fear feeling I had was in fact to not jump and therefore remain unemployed......not knowing when I will get a job or what kind a job I would find. Fear also of staying in a country which would force me to change my life in ways that may or may not lead to greater happiness. Staying on this path in fact posed a greater risk, it brings about a greater leap of faith as rather than jumping and "falling" into a new life, I must now walk a path unknown and face whatever challenges it brings. To walk away from the cliff edge this time, is to acknowledge that this path has not yet come to an end, that this path I continue on come what may.....until I am sure that it has come to its natural end.
It goes to show that in life, we all have an inner indicator, a gut feeling as it were, which we must learn to listen to.....so that we can know when it is our gut feeling that is speaking to us, and not fear. To learn to trust oneself, to trust in our own truth and have faith in our decisions and convictions.
Thursday, 4 April 2013
The Blocking Power of Fear
Potentially I may have a big decision to make soon that could change my path in life. Funny......a few weeks ago, I was sure that this change in path would be a positive move. Now, as the time to concrete that decision, or not, draws ever closer.....a whole wave of Fear has arisen from nowhere. This has simply blocked my ability to rationalise, to think objectively and subjectively.....has given rise to the "what if" and so forth.
There are many positives about saying yes to this path change......many. However, one of the negatives I just cannot get out of my mind. Saying yes to this career and life change would mean changing country, and city. The city I have lived in before.......and when I was there recently I realised how much I still do not miss it......and it brought up the question.....could I be happy living there again? Also what concerns me is the attitude of the locals to people of my sexuality. Has their attitude moved on? Two years ago I was back on a visit and made fun of in a bar......and while I laughed it off......I must admit that deep down it hurt. I am human after all. Where I live now.......people are not bothered in the slightest.....for which I now appreciate the freedom of mind that gives me when I walk down the street or into a bar.
So what do I do? To move would mean reunification with my family and some dear Friends.....and it would be joyous to be near them again. Also I would have the prospect of a good new career direction, with a very very reputable global company. The one big big problem........is the city where this job is located.......can I live there again AND be happy? My heart and my head are swinging constantly from both directions......and overall I admit that in my mind and psyche there is a huge fear about going......or even about not going. How can I be sure that I am making the correct decision? To quote a saying from the beautiful film "The Way" which a dear Friend recommended to me...."You do not choose a life, you live it." So how can I be sure that I am not choosing a life because it seems the correct thing to do.....rather than choosing a life because that is the one that I want to live!? My heart and my head is so confused......and I am hoping for the fog to lift soon. I realise also, that sometimes in life you must take a risk.....jump off the cliff and not take the safe option all of the time.... Why? Because by not taking risks......life can become stagnant.....black and white.......where you wake up one day and realise ten years have passed in the blink of an eye. Making the decision to move to where I currently live nearly broke my heart......but I have never regretted it looking back. Is it now time for history to repeat itself?
There are many positives about saying yes to this path change......many. However, one of the negatives I just cannot get out of my mind. Saying yes to this career and life change would mean changing country, and city. The city I have lived in before.......and when I was there recently I realised how much I still do not miss it......and it brought up the question.....could I be happy living there again? Also what concerns me is the attitude of the locals to people of my sexuality. Has their attitude moved on? Two years ago I was back on a visit and made fun of in a bar......and while I laughed it off......I must admit that deep down it hurt. I am human after all. Where I live now.......people are not bothered in the slightest.....for which I now appreciate the freedom of mind that gives me when I walk down the street or into a bar.
So what do I do? To move would mean reunification with my family and some dear Friends.....and it would be joyous to be near them again. Also I would have the prospect of a good new career direction, with a very very reputable global company. The one big big problem........is the city where this job is located.......can I live there again AND be happy? My heart and my head are swinging constantly from both directions......and overall I admit that in my mind and psyche there is a huge fear about going......or even about not going. How can I be sure that I am making the correct decision? To quote a saying from the beautiful film "The Way" which a dear Friend recommended to me...."You do not choose a life, you live it." So how can I be sure that I am not choosing a life because it seems the correct thing to do.....rather than choosing a life because that is the one that I want to live!? My heart and my head is so confused......and I am hoping for the fog to lift soon. I realise also, that sometimes in life you must take a risk.....jump off the cliff and not take the safe option all of the time.... Why? Because by not taking risks......life can become stagnant.....black and white.......where you wake up one day and realise ten years have passed in the blink of an eye. Making the decision to move to where I currently live nearly broke my heart......but I have never regretted it looking back. Is it now time for history to repeat itself?
Friday, 1 March 2013
First day of a new status
This is a first. Today is my first day of being officially unemployed!!!!! Never has this happened to me before. It is also odd to be experiencing something you previously feared, realising that the level of fear in your mind was unrealistic and that by keeping your mind calm, focused and maintaining a sense of reality, fear or more its impact can be lessened.
It just goes to show the power of the mind and how it can affect our lives. Both the power of our own minds, and the minds of others. A strong sense of belief and a realistic awareness of who you are, coupled with having people around you who love and support you unconditionally is more important than can be measured.
So I am now unemployed. However, I am not going to allow myself to fear that this is how my situation will stay, that my life will continue to become more bleak. As the phrase goes.....why do we fall? So that we can learn to get back up again. And I will get back up.....with an attitude that I must not give up....as to give up is to loose. I am unemployed but looking forward, not back. A waterfall begins with just one drop of water....a small seed sewn can grow into something more powerful than the beginning.
Here's to all our futures and to building a better world.
Thursday, 28 February 2013
Release
It was so weird yesterday. I had to return equipment, badges etc for my old job....and in doing so had to go to one of the offices that I spent time in during the last two years. When I first was given notice.......I was dreading this moment, believing that should it come to me being released from my current company, that the fear of being unemployed, no earnings, would be too much to bear.
Therefore, imagine my surprise yesterday when I left the building and my initial reaction was relief!!!! In a bizarre turn of events, the termination in paper.....in a tangible form, that my old working life was no more brought about a feeling in my mind where I felt free.....free to choose, free to dream, free to go after a job that I want. Now of course, I always had such liberty. However, when one is in the middle of a busy job, you can quite easily and unknowingly silence your own dissatisfaction about a situation. I suppose this is what, in the past, separated me from those people who enjoy and are successful in their working lives. They do not waste time in a role/company that they know is not for them and/or conflicts with their internal happiness and/or career aspirations.
So I walked out of the building.....looked across the street to my former office and there were no regrets. Of course I am not saying that I won't make mistakes in my working life again in the choices I make......indeed I am expecting too! However, what I would like to change is self awareness.....albeit a greater one of time, effort, happiness in relation to my work. We all spend so much time there. I no longer want to create a mental cage for myself where I feel unable to leave a role/company due to fear! It just brings to the fore how controlling fear can be in our lives, IF we cede power to it! So for the future, I need to build a greater nest egg so that I can easily survive a period of unemployment.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Therefore, imagine my surprise yesterday when I left the building and my initial reaction was relief!!!! In a bizarre turn of events, the termination in paper.....in a tangible form, that my old working life was no more brought about a feeling in my mind where I felt free.....free to choose, free to dream, free to go after a job that I want. Now of course, I always had such liberty. However, when one is in the middle of a busy job, you can quite easily and unknowingly silence your own dissatisfaction about a situation. I suppose this is what, in the past, separated me from those people who enjoy and are successful in their working lives. They do not waste time in a role/company that they know is not for them and/or conflicts with their internal happiness and/or career aspirations.
So I walked out of the building.....looked across the street to my former office and there were no regrets. Of course I am not saying that I won't make mistakes in my working life again in the choices I make......indeed I am expecting too! However, what I would like to change is self awareness.....albeit a greater one of time, effort, happiness in relation to my work. We all spend so much time there. I no longer want to create a mental cage for myself where I feel unable to leave a role/company due to fear! It just brings to the fore how controlling fear can be in our lives, IF we cede power to it! So for the future, I need to build a greater nest egg so that I can easily survive a period of unemployment.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
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