Family

Some of my family members are coming to visit today!! Woo hoo!! Am all excited.....appartment clean, bed made and as one of the members coming is as alcoholic as I am.....booze is ordered and about to be delivered! Thank God for Coop at home delivery!!!

When living abroad, it is such a gift to get a visit from a loved one (friend or family). They thank you for being the host, putting them up etc, however for me, it is more of a gift that they took time out of their lives to come visit me. Get on a plane, spend the money, potentially take time off work and so forth is a mental and physical effort that is very much appreciated....and has not gone unnoticed. They might not realise it, but it makes me feel special and loved.

Thank you.......

Simple Pleasures

Today I woke up to a darker room than normal.....due to a blanket of snow covering the windows in my bedroom.....bliss!!! Going to work was more enjoyable (for me anyway).....when you have a white covered landscape to loose your thoughts into. Snow covered rooftops, trees and foliage with their outline enhanced in a white glow......love it!

Ok....not everyone's cup of tea....but is it not refreshing to remember the simple pleasure's in life.....to stop and take a moment to appreciate something that makes you smile....rather than rush by and let it go unnoticed?

It is still snowing.......I hope it stays that way for a while. Well it beats rain!!!! :-)

Control

Most of the time......I prefer to be in control of things but I have no problem giving away control to others.....when I choose to, when it is better that way, etc. A control freak I am not......

Lately, I am going through an experience where control of a situation is out of my hands, which has brought about a chain of events that I do not wish to live through. It brings up an annoying by-product....fear!! Fear of not being able to prevent an unwanted life occurrence from happening.

However....on the other hand....is this not a good lesson? To learn how to approach such a situation not by being overcome with fear....but instead aiming to adopt an open mind? To coin an analogy....I want to attempt to manage this unwelcome situation based on this approach......think of a pilot of an aeroplane. He/she has been told that they will not receive information as to where his destination will be.....or even when take off will be. However....HE/SHE is the one with the skills to fly the plane! So in effect.....the plane will stay where it is regardless....unless he/she chooses to fly! So....who really is in control!!?? ;-)

I want to be a pilot.

Frustration

Damn it I just want to shout at someone!!!! So the story goes.......this Thursday I will probably be served notice from my job. I just feel so darn frustrated. I am being served notice, because I did a good job; the client said thanks a million don't need you any more which subsequently put me down the path of having no job! What happened to thanks for doing a good job so I will put you on another project to do the same good work? The answer: money and greed. The result: me feeling frustrated.

Strangely though, I have accepted the situation, that soon I could be drawing unemployment benefit. I cannot help feel so fed up though.....wanting to scream....shout out! Maybe I will .....or just play some heavy metal music in my ears.....or put the treadmill on full speed later in the gym and see how long I can stay upright!

I am beginning to hate this new world order or maybe I just have to tell myself.....this situation is linked to my current employer who is tarnishing my world view. Maybe a forced change, can be as good as a chosen one. Whatever the case......I need a drink !

Fashion

Those who know me, must surely know that I looooooooooooove fashion. And, unfortunately for me and my bank balance.....I always seem to fall in love with the highest priced item, before realising it is the highest priced item that is ;-).

Anyway, I was just wondering, do I and others potentially derive too much of our confidence at times from the clothes we wear? We all love to feel good about ourselves, nothing wrong in that. When I look in the mirror, and see a good looking, well put together outfit staring back at me, it brings a smile to my face and a bounce to my step. And then off I hop!

Sometimes though....I notice that I can leave the house feeling a million dollars...and then notice a gorgeous looking individual and I wrongly (but before I can stop myself) compare myself to that person.....the end result being that my confidence is diminished. Was the "confidence" I felt when I originally looked in the mirror misplaced......or is it that I lacked the self belief to continue to believe in the fact that indeed I looked, and still look good?

The whole idea makes me think about confidence, self belief  and how the root of such positive values needs to come from within. However, this will not stop me loving fashion and it is no harm to feel good, when you look good in a new clothes ensemble. Added bonus.

Mindset

 Talked with an old friend today.....blast from the past. We don't speak often now since I started to live here.....but when we do, there is no effort. Conversation flows, an hour passes in the blink of an eye. We can literally talk about anything, the topic changing like the wind.....

Anyways, we started talking about happiness....each of us wanting to make sure if the other needed any help I suppose, in what ever way was possible when talking down a phone line. While talking, I mentioned to him, had I the mindset which I inflicted upon myself in my 20's, I would right now be depressed.

I gladly learned from two depressions that I lived in my teens and 20's.....and the mindset I had then was the perfect garden for the evil seeds of depression to take root. Got through both depressions I did, but also with a lot of help from loved ones, and a very good therapist. And what is evident from that experience, is the tools I learned to survive, have helped me to not fall into a depression since....touch wood.

The first two years here were awful, but the inner strength that was always there came through....the lessons learned remembered....the gift of love from friends and family once again there. If there is one method to life I have now is to always try to "get the lesson," ....be it from the good or the bad times.......to talk about those feelings....free those thoughts from your head which could otherwise fester and take control....to remember your friends and family....who sometimes are one and the same.....

Second chance

A thought crossed my mind, how can you tell if someone (a former friend) deserve's a second chance? There is a person I know......we used to be friends....and on the path I would say to being closer friends.

To make a long story short, a couple of years back, this person, who I then worked with.....because I disagreed with their opinion on something, went to my then boss behind my back to force me to do something. Understandably, I was not in the slightest bit impressed. Needless to say this person was completely blanked from my life.......and hardly any contact was sought for two years after.

Lately, I have been coming into more frequent contact with this person. It makes me think, back when they double crossed me, there was a lot of wrong's being done to this person in their life, that was not their fault. Health was also an issue...and still is. The question I have in my head....was it due to the stress they had in their life back then, that caused them to act in such a way against a friend....did they act out of character at that time? Or, can this person ever regain my trust....should I give them a second chance?

I really am in two minds. I have been burned too many times and to be honest, at this stage, my general policy is "one strike and you're out!!!" However, I suppose, most deserve a second chance.....I know I have been that lucky.....but how is best to decide WHO deserves that second chance....when doubt is high?

Time to reflect over some mulled wine I feel :-)

Economic times

Looking for a new job at the moment, due to the unexpected end of my current contract. I have been looking around in the city that I currently live....and I cannot say that the situation is positive at the moment, even if I am trying to remain so. However, I do understand that this time of year is never the best for changing jobs.

So this morning, I was completing a job application for a role in London. I used to live there many years ago, and do not ideally want to go back and live there again. However, in the current economic climate.....do I have the luxury of making such a choice.....or must I go where the work is? Thankfully, where I live now has excellent unemployment benefit......but that is not the point for me. I do not want to be out of work, I need an income and moreover I need a purpose.

The economic situation globally over the last four years seems to have turned everything upside-down. Job stability is even more precarious, job market even more competitive and potential employers more selective and wary about who they hire. Can I really choose where I want to live/work anymore or must I continue to wander until I reach retirement, where the power of  choice returns in where I want to live?

Generosity

Almost in tears this morning. My wonderful and glorious Mam.......whose kindness never ceases to amaze me....has done it again.

Recently and sadly, her brother died and left her and the other siblings a small amount of money in his Will. What does my Mam do? She give's almost three quarters of the money she received away to her children.....without a second thought. Of course....some of us are going to give most of it back or get her something/cover the cost of something to return her kindness, as this time it is just too kind. She must put herself first for once.....

One thought struck me...... My Mam is not a wealthy woman....nor is she poor. She is comfortable I would say. What is so evident in life for me, more and more as I get older, it is those people with the least (in however you classify it), who give the most.

I am not a religious person, but I am a spiritual one. I wish for a special blessing for all such people and good fortune in their lives, health and happiness.....especially to my Mam.  Love you.....

What is Nationality!?

Just came back from a fabulous weekend in my home country, sharing the time with family and loved ones. It's weird but, as much as I associate some integral parts of my behaviour, speech, character, personality, choices etc with my birth country, in so many other ways I find no connection to my fellow countrymen at all.  These "national" characteristic's more bring a flavour of sorts, to who I am, rather than defining who I am.

For as long as I can remember, I have always felt more European than I have my own nationality. Growing up, I always felt different in my outlook and view on things than I did to those around me, finding more in common with people from outside my home country than within it.

So it brings the question....what is Nationality and is it still as relevant a notion to cling onto with such vigour? Personally, it is becoming less and less relevant for me in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of where I come from and of my culture, very proud.....but I refrain from making it a statement of who I am or how I should portray myself.  Should we not all aim to be proud Mother Earth citizen's and share with each other those exciting and interesting differences that having a different nationality brings? Nationality, like so many other of life's characteristics can be used to drive a wedge between people, to marginalise and disassociate when in make up and race, we are all the same. As the world is becoming more and more global in every conceivable way, should we all not increase our own sense of how we fit into the Global World, rather that so staunchly stick to nationalistic ideas?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Money

I got a right nasty surprise yesterday upon returning home. A tax bill for over 4,000 CHF.....even though my tax is deducted at source.....and the bill was from 2010!!!! Now.....I could go on about tax systems, comparison's etc.....but I would likely send myself off to sleep....and there is not enough strong coffee in the house to combat such boredom.

However.....it got me thinking.....the POWER of money....and how it can affect you. I am very lucky......I can pay this bill if I have too, my savings taking a big knock in the process. What I hate is the way it makes me feel! Unlike the past.....nowadays I am more careful, I save.....I have no debt whatsoever....so getting such a bill came as quite a surprise. So to get such a bill, when in effect I was "behaving," makes me feel sick in a way.

Then, this morning.....I have been reflecting some more. As my dear Mother would say to me...."Oliver.....you just have to get on with things. Crying over it will not make the situation any better." And  how right she is. My Mother gives simple, direct advice.....never one for long discussions on feelings. Not because she has none, but more that she is from the time whereby you had to learn to take a knock on the chin....get up and start again......for in effect....there was no other choice.

So...taking my Mother's stance.....I am going to say to myself that this is just money. I can still live, pay my bills, eat....clothe myself.....and that I can rebuild my savings....albeit with the extra knowledge that I may need to put in that little extra, just in case the past becomes the future.

I love you Mam.

Betrayal

While on my way to work on the tram this morning, I thought I saw a painful reminder from my past, a friend who had betrayed me. It's funny.....we have not been friends now for three years.....our paths have crossed several times since the betrayal, but the hurt is still evident, albeit not as consuming as it was at the time.

Don't get me wrong, I do not wish for our friendship back, for it could never be what it once was. However, it got me thinking. In the last 5 years, two "friends" have very much betrayed me, both men. I have to admit it makes me trust men less than I already did but it made me ask myself.....did I not have part to play in this betrayal? By this I mean that looking back, I can now see that the people I thought they were, never existed. For one reason or another, I was attracted to a friendship with them by a characteristic(s) they did not own, a false recognition of their character on my part. While I do not blame myself for their betrayal, it was all theirs in the making, I do kick myself for having put such faith, trust and love into a friendship that looking back, I can see they never fully saw the value of. Now I know this may sound big headed of me.....but when I accept someone as a close friend, into my inner circle as it were, they get everything. Most of all, they get my complete trust and loyalty......which when abused, really stings.

So how to move on from this? The consequences were varied. A more wiser individual I most definitely am while also, the way I approach getting to know someone is completely different. My interpretation is that we all wear a mask to some form or another, especially when making a new acquaintance. My personal task now is to attempt to see beyond the mask, see the true nature of the person and refrain from seeing someone with rose tinted glasses, it is surprising how easily one can misread an individual based on too quick a judgement.

Of course, we are human, and I have and will continue to make mistakes in judging a person's character. There are times where I lament for the days where I was naive and completely trusting of people. The reality is, those who have broken my trust, have rendered it more difficult and complicated for me to trust in return. Whether good or bad, it does not matter.....just another patch in the quilt of my own life.

Bloggo numero uno - politeness

So.....this is my first...official blog post!! You will all have to forgive the rather basic layout of my blog page at the moment.....am quite new to this.

Weird doing this..... A friend recently suggested why not doing a blog....so here goes. Now what to say!!!?? Gonna bitch about politeness....or lack of, especially when it comes to the business world. Recently, after two years as a contractor on a project.....I was told out of the blue that I was no longer needed.....by email! I understand that business is cruel.....that the aim of business is to make money and not care really at all about the common man....but does that mean one should forego professional courtesy? To work and be the slave to a project for two years....to do all that is asked of you.....to be flexible, polite and even agree to tasks that you do not agree with....is it correct that one should be dismissed with the footnote....."things are more stable now so we no longer need you!" It really does make one feel used.....and makes me wonder should I approach this differently, be less naive and realise that in business, the only important factor is to look out for yourself....that  being 100% loyal no longer is an advised strategy as one never get's back from your job anymore, what you put into it. Survival tactics in the business world seem to be evolving yet again.....time to catch up....