What is "Home?"

Watched a lovely program on TV recently, about a family of four from Britain moving to Australia....but where their 19 year daughter decided to stay in Britain, initially to finish University....and then maybe move to join them. The Mother of the family made a wonderful comment, that the four of them are what makes "home," not just the bricks and mortar. That wherever they were, that was "home."

Such a wonderful sentiment and I do and do not agree with it. Family for me will always be "home," like the lady said in the tv program. However, she was lucky, she had most of her family with her. From my experience of living abroad, if you are on your own......part of the experience is that you must try to make your new city/country feel like home, if you are to settle. It may or may not work, and if it does not......then time to move on again or go back to your spiritual home, your family.

There is a lot to be said about living abroad. It has given me experiences in life, introduced me to wonderful people that otherwise I would never have met, and helped me learn (both good and bad) about life and what we must do and not do. I will always, always be grateful for that. However, to make sure my family know it, you are and always will be my "home," and my love for you will never die. Not even the Grim Reaper can take that away :-).

Speaking without words

I had such a memorable and moving evening yesterday. I went with a friend to "Tango Fire," a show incorporating tango dance, music and song. The show was breathtaking and the talent of the dancers, musicians and singer simply blew me away. I never knew how technical tango dance was....how energetic and acrobatic an art form.

What struck me though was how art, in this case dance, can speak to you without words. Tango is a particularly sensual, expressive and sexual dance. There was one dance set in last nights show which was so moving.....almost portraying the great love of the two dancers and the pain, joy and energy of being in love. The dancers in their moves and facial expressions were so emotive, that at one point I noticed a tear strolling down my cheeks, quite unexpectedly. That moment brought home to me the power of art, how it can touch, teach and influence.....as long as our mind and hearts are open to it......open to experience, learn and enjoy. It made such a refreshing difference to be touched without anyone ever having uttered a word.......to understand a language that any culture or nationality could comprehend.

Note to self, I must attend more such evenings.....

The importance of structure

It is crazy when you don't have the usual 9 to 5 routine, how it can be so easy to become complacent, how one day seems to blur into another........

For about one month now, I have not had the normal office routine. I must admit that the "break" from the daily grind has been surprisingly most welcome....an opportunity to recharge and refocus. However now, I am reminded how easy it can be to let oneself go into a negative non proactive state.....to more exist rather than live.

So, the task is to keep a routine, not allow myself to stay in bed beyond a certain time and have a goal for each day that takes me outside, to interact, to socialise. While it is very important to make continued effort to find a new job, it is also highly important to be an "active member in society" so to speak. The life of a hermit is not for me :-).

Good hiding in the bad?

Those who know me well, would agree that I am generally a very optimistic individual. I have my ups and downs like any normal human being (holy crap I am calling myself normal...yuk), and there is nothing wrong with that.....it is called life.

Anyway, as my working life is not so busy, you have more time to reflect without any negative influence...an opportunity to take stock as it were. As upsetting as it was to loose my job, I am now beginning to wonder if it was a blessing in disguise? Looking at my previous role, it was time for a change.....and taking into account the current management in that department, I don't believe I would ever have had an opportunity in the near future to diversify. So, was the act of loosing my position more positive than good?

I will say one thing, it put me on a track where I have been able to work with an outplacement agency on studying my profile, which is proving to be very rewarding. My current question is to whether to take whatever job comes next or, should I use the safety net of the local unemployment services and work at finding a job that I REALLY would like to do? It is a question which could conflict with my inner moral standings that I have always lived by. However, I do not want to miss taking a career path to where I would potentially be the most content I have ever been in my career?

On the other hand.....the risk is long term unemployment, a path which can bring about most negative influential consequences, depending on how I would or would not handle it.

Time to consider.....

Give myself a break

This morning I had a meeting with an outplacement agency here in Zurich, who are helping me to find a local job and looking at ways to improve my professional profile. My previous two meetings were in English.....but this morning I was meeting a different gentleman....who started off in German so I continued in German.

The meeting lasted over an hour.....and while my German was far from perfect, you know I more than managed. The feeling I came out with from the meeting was that in this respect, and in others, I really need to give myself a break and not be so hard, so critical on how I perform in certain areas. Recognise my successes and failures, and learn from both.

When one thinks of it though, are we not all the same??? I am sure that many of us have areas of our personality/abilities where we are overly negative and critical about, unnecessarily downgrading our ability and thereby ensuring that in reality....we do NOT perform as we could. It really is about confidence but also, to recognise and ACCEPT when one does well. To not see anything wrong in doing so.

Personally, my failure to accept that I am not a failure in certain tasks at times, comes from past depressions (thankfully a long way back in my past) but also from a cultural trait in Irish people. I am not 100% sure why, maybe it derives from years of colonialism and the subsequent effect it had on the Irish psyche, but Irish people can have a real tendency to put themselves down in a joking manner or otherwise.....a tendency to not wish to be seen as arrogant, a show off, a know it all, etc. While there are many many Irish people who do not fall into this bracket, it is interesting to see how many of my Irish circle (but not all) show some or all of the above traits. Maybe it is just that similar people attract each other into the same social circles......or maybe not.

One to think about.....

Second chance

A neighbour of mine is moving out today, unfortunately the only one in the building who would stop and talk etc. However, luckily, she is only moving up the road. I was impressed with her today though.

To move her belongings, she hired a firm who use workers that are in drug rehabilitation, thus by giving these people a second chance to get back into the workforce, to stand once again on their own two feet. In addition, part of the charge for the service goes back into the rehabilitation centre so that they can keep helping people to get over this awful addiction.

In any case.....I stopped by her apartment to see if she needed anything, and found out that one of the workers, a young man.....had felt suddenly quite ill, he was lying on her living room floor in a lot of discomfort. Part of his symptoms were from getting over his addiction. We all tried to help him with water, I rushed to get something sweet (he needed a sugar burst), and I could not help feeling so sorry for him. It would be SO easy to look at this young guy and judge him......but what came through my head was that this could so easily be me, a member of my family, a friend, a loved one......

We all need a second chance.....we all need not to judge......

Happiness shared

Have you ever been so happy at someone else's happiness, as much as if it had happened to yourself? There is a friend I have, who over the last 4 years has had such an unbelieveably stressful and traumatic time that it is beyond my total comprehension how she coped. Added to that, her childhood had many examples of unhappy times, none of which was her fault. If there had been one saving grace in the last 4 years, it was her very loving, very loyal and very giving boyfriend.

I just got a text from her 10 minutes ago. Her biggest wish has come true!!!!!! In front of all her family and friends (at her homeplace), on New Years eve and on bended knee, he proposed!!!! How happy am I for them both, but especially for her!!! So excited to sense, even in a text message, how happy she is as this happiness she deserves after such a long battle with various life experiences in her family.

Just goes to prove, that good things eventually do happen to good people :-).

Links to your past life.....your ancestors

Have you ever visited a country......and felt it was "familiar".....even when you were visiting for the first time? There are times I wonder if the links from the past live within each successive generation, even if one is not instinctively aware of it.

My "familiar" experience is linked with two countries, France and Norway. I am not saying that I would love to live in either permanently, even though I have lived in France. However, it is an odd feeling when I visit the above countries. I get a sense of the familiar, that the environment is not completely unknown, that's it's culture is more easy to relate to. Now of course, this could all be my crazy head running away with itself, or it could be a real link from my ancestral past, living within my family and I. For example, my home country Ireland, is well known for having been invaded by the Vikings. However, only very very recently did I learn that it was primarily the Norwegian Vikings who colonised Ireland.....hmmm. Also, there was previously talk about some of my family coming from France, although that was never proven.

Other examples: Jeremy Irons the actor.....who had a strange sense of connection with West Cork in Ireland, a place he now calls home. In the end....it was found that his ancestors, many generations back....came from just a few miles down the road from where he now lives.

Another example, Brooke Shields, who also felt an affiliation with France....she felt at home there whenever she visited. She was found to have a DIRECT ancestral link to King Louis XIV, one of the greatest French Kings.

It makes you wonder........

Trust in inner instinct

First......Happy Happy 2013 everyone and all the best for the New Year!

While 2012 was not the most horrible year of my life by any means, I am happy to see the back of it and now looking forward to a new year with new beginnings.

It is an odd feeling this morning as I write. It was such a strange feeling to wake up this morning, and not have a job to go to. I was in this position 2 years ago with the same company, but at that time, it was post a very traumatic experience and I was at that time in quite a daze....not really knowing what was going on internally. This time however, it is different. My head and personal view of me, myself and I is in a much much more positive place.

One change, is listening to one's inner voice.....to derive an inner instinct to help you live by, so that you can make the life choices best for you, to guide you along your path and also an inner capability to keep a level head about life's forces that you meet daily. So what does my inner instinct tell me today? That somehow, I don't know how, but all will turn out ok. I of course did not want to loose my job. However, as I now look back at the organisation I left, I will no longer shed a sad emotion for now not being part of it. While it has afforded me great experience and other opportunities, the price was to work in an environment that became increasingly negative and hostile. I for one, am proud of the fact that I "swam" and did not "sink."

Life is all about choices, the ones you do and you do not make, and the ones that at times are made for you. I lost my job not by my own desire. However in doing so, I am beginning to realise that this may be a blessing in disguise; a release from an environment that I could have just stayed in so as to keep a job, while at the same time not being available for a potentially better position elsewhere.

So, here's to the unknown! I run at you without fear......comin at ya!