While on my way to work on the tram this morning, I thought I saw a painful reminder from my past, a friend who had betrayed me. It's funny.....we have not been friends now for three years.....our paths have crossed several times since the betrayal, but the hurt is still evident, albeit not as consuming as it was at the time.
Don't get me wrong, I do not wish for our friendship back, for it could never be what it once was. However, it got me thinking. In the last 5 years, two "friends" have very much betrayed me, both men. I have to admit it makes me trust men less than I already did but it made me ask myself.....did I not have part to play in this betrayal? By this I mean that looking back, I can now see that the people I thought they were, never existed. For one reason or another, I was attracted to a friendship with them by a characteristic(s) they did not own, a false recognition of their character on my part. While I do not blame myself for their betrayal, it was all theirs in the making, I do kick myself for having put such faith, trust and love into a friendship that looking back, I can see they never fully saw the value of. Now I know this may sound big headed of me.....but when I accept someone as a close friend, into my inner circle as it were, they get everything. Most of all, they get my complete trust and loyalty......which when abused, really stings.
So how to move on from this? The consequences were varied. A more wiser individual I most definitely am while also, the way I approach getting to know someone is completely different. My interpretation is that we all wear a mask to some form or another, especially when making a new acquaintance. My personal task now is to attempt to see beyond the mask, see the true nature of the person and refrain from seeing someone with rose tinted glasses, it is surprising how easily one can misread an individual based on too quick a judgement.
Of course, we are human, and I have and will continue to make mistakes in judging a person's character. There are times where I lament for the days where I was naive and completely trusting of people. The reality is, those who have broken my trust, have rendered it more difficult and complicated for me to trust in return. Whether good or bad, it does not matter.....just another patch in the quilt of my own life.
This my sweet comes with life experience. Sometimes people disappoint you, and it's up to you how to react to it. You cannot change their behaviour, just your reaction to it.
ReplyDeleteForgive and forget my ass. But it does depend on what they did, and if it's a repeated pattern.
Only you can judge and move from there. Are you gonna be a victim or take charge?
/A
Yep I agree with you..... Oh don't you worry....I took charge in both situations.....and by no means did I play the victim. I know that both concerned thought I was maybe cold....or maybe....they did not expect that I could show such strength against them. Still, it does not take away from the fact that I am a happily sensitive soul... :-). I will tell you the full story one day....over a bottle of wine xxxx
DeleteSteph says: So so true. I realize now (at my older age) that I can not always stop giving out my heart so easily (thinking that everyone out there has good intentions), all I can do is try to "protect it" more. But betrayal or dissapointing behaviour stings big time...and as I get older, once you burn your bridge with me, there is no turning back. I become less and less tolerant the older I get.
ReplyDeleteTrue Steph....no one else is going to look after its needs and who better to know the needs on your heart other than yourself. We have to be aware of it....and keep it healthy....
ReplyDeleteI am less and less tolerant also....although then again.....I pick my friends with much more scrutiny now than I used to. So hopefully....this can decrease the chances of coming into contact with opportunists and those who pure aim is to just take advantage. Being "aware" ......so important.xx
Time to build that bridge! Learn from the experience but don't allow such individuals to change you and who you are too much, then they win. Take the control back and move on ;)
ReplyDeleteThat bridge is built Ted....believe me....and learned a lot from the experience. What is strange are the flashbacks you can get from the past......and how you can still recognise how you felt in the past. Feelings and occurrences are both individual memories for me....
ReplyDelete